So it’s 2AM, or somewhere around there. The lagging clock on my computer makes no effort to even come close to actual time. Either way, I’m awake once again. My room is filled with love bugs, and the hot, humid Florida air is seeping through my open windows like some sort of oncoming dream. An occasional flicker of light on my wall from a passing car keeps me alert, but the night is otherwise still.
I’ve been sitting here, thinking. Not about anything in particular, but rather everything as a whole. Relationships, design, work, life, the whole shebang. It’s really not all worth the bother. I try to keep things alive, but in one way or another everything fizzles out. My plans fall through, my relationships crumble, and I’ve reduced myself to a sort of socially inept fool. Don’t take this as a plea for help, some type of open suicide letter to the world. Because if there’s one thing on my mind, it’s definitely life, not death.
It’s time for a fresh start. Again. The friends bring problems, and problems bring drama. Drama I don’t need at this point in my life. I’m holding down a steady job, working steady hours, with a steady paycheck. The people come and go, and they all seem to be stuck in the same pattern. The pattern of redundancy that has attracted so many in the past. The same jobs, the same people, the same life. Over and over again. As for everything else, it all seems like a big laugh at this point. I push myself to work harder as a designer, but to no winning effort. Laziness takes over and I end up lounging around for hours on end, when I could be using my time to create something. Something that the whole world can see. What kind of idiot wastes such a beautiful canvas?
Dating is another problem. It’s always the same girl. They tease you, test you, and then treat you like another snack. I’d honestly love to have some sort of lasting relationship, the kind that can make me completely happy, inside and out. The kind that brings people together.
I suppose these are just the thoughts of some insomniac crying to an open audience for attention, but these are my thoughts, and I’ll stand by them, no matter how ridiculous they sound at 2:00 in the morning. According to my computer, it’s January 23rd, 2002, which translates into a nice long nap. Why oh why couldn’t I have been born Rip Van Winkle? Life would be so much easier if the years could pass like minutes.
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Wow, for two o’clock in the morning your words sure are eloquent and coherent. A beautiful passage of writing which could lead way into a song, have you thought about lending a hand to tired washed up artists?
Good luck with your relationship troubles, I’m having the same problems myself running around in an endless circle without meaning sex is nothing. These things take time to get over and at this time in the morning its time to get to bed.
PS. If you could I would edit the comment box to make it just a little bit wider, its kind of a pain to pour poetry onto paper in a confined space so small!
Thanks for the comment Jonny. Yeah, I’m working on a new design, but unfrotunately the comment box will be smaller, if anything. Not sure yet, I’m still deciding on how to correctly implement comments.